Sometimes, we use the words ” I feel” when we have opinions, are evaluating the actions of others, or how we think others are acting toward us. When we share opinions, we’re speaking from our thoughts, not our emotions. We may be using the word ‘feel’, but we are not communicating how we actually feel.

Expressing our emotions may be vulnerable, but when we do, we create deeper connection. It is also the best way to address the real issue.

It is worth probing how we feel about what is happening. What is going on for us inside. And then sharing that – so together you can try to resolve the issue.

Here are some things we might say. Notice that some are not actual feelings.
– “I feel inadequate as a guitar player.” –> opinion of my ability
– “I feel (disappointed, impatient, frustrated) with myself as a guitar player.” –> feeling
– “I feel unimportant to the people with whom I work.” –> thought (how I think other are evaluating me)
– “I feel misunderstood.” –> my opinion about the other person level of understanding
– “I feel frustrated. I think that other people don’t understand my point.” –> feeling
– “I feel ignored.” –> an interpretation of the action of others rather than a clear statement of how we are feeling
– “When you don’t greet me, I feel neglected.” –> interpretation
– “When you don’t greet me at the door, I feel lonely.” –> feeling