There are two ways we may respond in a conversation: to the words or to our feelings.

Reacting to feelings, especially if they’re uncomfortable, often leads to defensiveness, denial, anger, or shutting down.

Reacting to words addresses the actual issue more constructively.

For example:  Your partner says, “I feel like you haven’t been spending much time with me.”

Feeling-based Response: “That’s not true! I’m just busy with work. Why don’t you appreciate that?”

Word-based Response: “I understand you feel neglected. Let’s work to find a balance between my work and spending time together?”

Focusing on words helps resolve issues rather than escalating conflicts.