Unless it really is time-sensitive, most things don’t really need to be done the minute you ask for it. Dishes can stay in the sink for a few hours, the mail can be brought in later.
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Your spouse does want to do for you and the family. They just might want to do it later.
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No one likes to be commanded; that only builds resentment. They prefer to be asked and then allowed to decide if and when to do it. Most will do it – of their own will – if they have some say in when and how. Then they will feel that love that comes from giving and doing for others. (It is worthwhile to give a time frame in which to do it “Please wash the dishes before the guests come at 9:00”. S/he will feel more willing to do it.)