Running a household and managing a family involves an abundance of tasks and responsibilities. There are hundreds of visible chores like carpooling, grocery shopping, or taking out the garbage, and.. and.. and.. There is also the less noticeable “mental load” which encompasses the immense cognitive effort required to keep everything running smoothly.

This mental load involves the invisible remembering and juggling of details, decisions, and constant problem-solving, not only the actual task. It’s not only driving the carpool, it is also coordinating with the other families and dealing with last-minute switches. From organizing family schedules to planning meals, arranging doctor’s appointments, remembering to thank the grandmother, and choosing clothing for special events, and… and… and… The mental load is all-encompassing and mentally taxing.

All too often, this invisible work, this mental load falls on wives, who find themselves juggling multiple mental responsibilities alongside everything else they are doing.

Indeed, while some of the more visible household tasks can be divided among spouses, children, or household help, overseeing and reminding still constitute a significant part of the mental load. Even when tasks are delegated, someone often needs to oversee them to ensure they are completed properly and on time.

The sheer volume of these mental tasks means that the brain is constantly bouncing back and forth, draining mental energy with each switch. Decision-making, whether it’s about big matters like financial planning or small ones like what to make for dinner or arranging playdates, only adds to this cognitive load. This continuous mental effort also demands emotional energy. All this can contribute to mental exhaustion and then even overwhelm, stress, and burnout. It’s the combination of overseeing tasks, making decisions, and managing emotions that makes the mental load so exhausting and challenging to bear.

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Acknowledging and addressing the mental load is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship and preventing resentment and frustration. By openly discussing the mental load and working together to find solutions, couples can lighten the burden and create a more equitable division of ALL the work – both physical and mental – necessary to successfully run a household.