Does this ever happen to you? Your spouse/friend does something nice and you come up with all sorts of explanations about their intentions. How we attribute others’ behavior can make a huge difference.

Your spouse gives you a lovely little gift one random day. You wonder what is the reason. There are so many ways this can go: “S/he is just regifting.” “S/he did something wrong.” “S/he wants something from me.” “S/he is feeling guilty about something.” “Someone reminded him/her to buy me something.” “S/he is kind and loves me.”

So much of what you think is a reflection of your own stuff – your expectations, your past experiences, what you might have done, things you read or watched.

When your spouse does something nice, take the time to come up with a nice attribution that reflects the wonderful person they are.
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Couples who make positive attributions are less vulnerable to the effects of stress on their relationship.

When we make a positive attribution it means we think the reason for our partner’s good behavior is due to internal factors (e.g. their personality) and bad behavior is attributed to external factors (e.g. the actions of others).