Circular argument: “You are never home so I end up going out to dinner and shopping with friends.” –> “I work late to pay for all those things you buy.” –> “I wouldn’t go out so much if you were home.” Round and round…

There are several separate issues being touched on in this conversation. Spending money, not being home. Which really have deeper underpinnings.

What came first (the chicken or the egg) is not the issue; so don’t go down that route. Rather, these should be disentangled into into discrete parts, and then each should be explored more deeply, and addressed accordingly.

Are there other things also at play here? Is there another reason he might be working late – for building career, recognition, personal satisfaction. Is there another reason she goes shopping – to keep up with the neighbors, retail therapy, loves the thrill of a great find.

With honest reflection, good guiding questions and desire to understand each other, you can truly break out of that circular argument.