Look out for positives in your spouse.

Find reasons to offer compliments, praise and gratitude. Consistently fan the sparks of positive feelings about your spouse. Constantly look out for things that your spouse is getting right or doing well. Try to notice the small things that each of you contributes to your life together. That they went out of their way to buy the [ice cream, kale] that you like. That they warmed up the car for you. That they cracked a joke that distracted you from a stress. That they are so dedicated to the family. Their optimism, patience, creativity, ingenuity….

Everyone has so many wonderful aspects about them (yeah, some annoying things too, but that doesn’t negate the positive.) Keep a running journal or master list of what your spouse does for you and others. Think of some of their characteristics that you so appreciate in them.

You might do this “Three Things I Like About You” exercise (from John Gottman). From a list of characteristics, choose three that describe your spouse. For each item you choose, think about an incident when they displayed this characteristic. Then share this with them; describe why this characteristic in them pleases you so much.