When your spouse shares their hurt, frustration, or pain about something you’ve done, the first thing they need isn’t a defense or explanation—it’s your empathy. In the moment, they need to feel understood, that you recognize the impact of your actions. Getting defensive or immediately jumping into your side of the story can shut down the connection. Right then, it’s about sitting with their pain and showing that you’re truly present.

Once they feel heard and validated, you can offer your apology and ask if they’re open to hearing your side. But be prepared—sometimes they may not want to hear it, and that’s okay. It’s not about justifying yourself; it’s about prioritizing their feelings and the relationship over your own need to be understood.