There will be times when you and your spouse have different perspectives about things; there’s a paradox.  It may be tricky to resolve, but there is a way to manage it.

Using a ‘paradox question’ can help you come up with creative solutions that address both of your concerns.  “How can we do X while ensuring Y.” You might ask, “How can we prioritize spending quality time together as a married couple while ensuring that we both have enough personal space and alone time?” “How can we go on a vacation while still being able to save for the future?”

• The Y must be a core issue for the other person  (you would know this from really listening in previous conversations).
• It needs to be stated positively, what you want, not what you don’t want (not “without [blowing our budget]” rather “while [still saving for the future]”.
• It really must be possible, even if takes some creativity and ingenuity to come up with a new solution.

A paradox question asks how we can do something while also making sure another important thing is taken care of. It’s about finding a balance and coming up with solutions that make both things possible.