The common understanding of empathy is walking in someone else’s shoes. In reality, that takes some assuming of what is going on, which can lead to the distressed one not feeling seen or heard. Instead, we should be inquisitive, then validating and compassionate.

Just as there are different love languages, similarly there are empathy languages. Different people want to hear different things when in times of distress.

Some people prefer to hear “I have no idea what that’s like. Please help me understand so I can be fully with you in this moment.”

Others like to know that others have been in that situation too, “I know what that’s like. You are not alone. I’m here for you.”

In a couple relationship, share your empathy language so your spouse can really help you through whatever situation you are going through.

(based on the work of Paul Parkin)