Certain words can send us back to moments in our past that were hurtful and upsetting – highlighting some old insecurities.

When you know what triggers you, you can be better prepared to recognize that those words are loaded for you and that it isn’t so much about what was just said. That alone can help you refocus on the present to deal with our current feelings, instead of dwelling on old ones.

Have some favorite relaxation techniques at the ready. Take a deep breath. Go for a quick walk around the block. Take a drink of water. Splash your face with cold water. Do anything that will help bring you back to the present moment.

Recognize that most likely, the person saying the words had no idea what those words mean to you and how they upset you.

You can then frame those words in so many ways. You might see that their statement really is innocent. Or a poor choice of words. Or that it is a projection of their life and not much to do with you. Or there is a message for something you can do differently. Or that whatever you did is more aligned with your own values than theirs. Or that they have unrealistic expectations. Or… or… or… You get to choose your thoughts, and thus your reactions.

As applicable, you might also share with the other person that those words were triggering. “Your words hit a sensitive spot.”