People are driven by their
F- Fears
I – Interests
R -Responsibilities
E- Experiences

People experience and respond to things through the filter of their FIRE. You can’t ignore, belittle or try to extinguish that FIRE. Rather try to understand what drives them and work through those.

– “It would help me if you shared your perspective.”
– “Help me understand how you are experiencing this.”
– “What is really going on for you?”
– “What FIRE might be driving your thoughts/emotions/response?”

Similarly, share your own fears, interests, responsibilities and experiences so that your spouse better understands you.

– “My perspective is based on my … ”
– “I am responding this way because of …”