Ask your spouse:

“What is your ‘empathy language’; how do you prefer I show empathy – what words or actions work best for you; what doesn’t work?” “When was a time that you felt that I really ‘got you’; what did I do to make you feel that way?”

Be brave, ask for insight and feedback:

“What was a time when I missed the mark and didn’t empathize or act with the compassion you needed? What could I do differently in the future?”