When your spouse brings up concerns or requests for change, how you respond can impact the issue at hand. And even more so, your whole relationship. These are ways that some people respond that is not helpful to the issue and definitely to the relationship. Don’t respond in these ways.

➡️ Don’t Become Defensive: Don’t focus solely on justifying your actions rather than genuinely listening to your spouse’s perspective. ❌ Don’t say: “I wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t pushed me into it.”

➡️ Don’t Minimize: Don’t downplay the significance of your spouse’s complaints or invalidate their feelings. ❌ Don’t say: “You’re making a big deal out of nothing; it’s not that serious.”

➡️ Don’t Shift Blame: Don’t shift blame onto your spouse or external circumstances, thereby avoiding accountability and responsibility for your actions. ❌Don’t say: “If you were more understanding, I wouldn’t have snapped at you.” “If you would have done [something differently], we wouldn’t be in this position.”

➡️ Don’t Gaslight: Don’t manipulate your spouse’s perception of reality to invalidate their feelings or experiences. This includes denying the validity of their complaints or distorting facts. ❌ Don’t say: “You’re imagining things; I never said or did that.”