Your spouse has something important they want to share – an idea, a perspective, concern, confusion. Listen with curiosity. Listen with empathy. Listen to learn what is going on for them.

Then make sure that you understood them. Summarize back in your own words “So what I heard/ understand is ….” and end with “Am I getting this right?” This helps you both know that you understand the situation in the same way.

That does not mean that you agree, it just means that you understand their perspective. ““Given your experience, I can see how you came to see things as you do.”