While it might feel good for a moment, constant complaining to others about your spouse can actually be toxic to your relationship. Firstly, it is disloyal to the person you supposedly care about.

When someone speaks negatively about us, we tend to feel hurt, angry, defensive and resentful, which leads to thoughts like, “If you are going to call me a jerk, I am going to act like a jerk.” Which is exactly what you don’t want – you don’t want to hurt your spouse and neither do you want him/her to act like a jerk.

Complaining about your partner colors how others see them. Your friends or family will now think negatively about your partner. Who needs that?

Most people also don’t know what to do. So they just agree with you. Or they bring up something negative about their spouse. Or worse, about yours. And the complaining gets deeper and uglier. And, often they feel like you just dumped a load onto them and feel overwhelmed.

If something really bothers you, discuss it with your partner.