Feedback and hearing others’ perspectives is how we grow and learn about each other. It is important in a relationship. But giving feedback can be stressful – both to the receiver and the giver.

When receiving feedback, most people jump into self-preservation mode and defend themselves. And just knowing that the other may not accept the feedback as intended can be stressful to the giver.

As such, it is better for the relationship when there is a culture of requesting feedback. This model offers both the receiver and the giver much more psychological safety than a giver-led approach.

When people ask for feedback, they feel greater autonomy and certainty because they are in the driver’s seat — they can steer the conversation where it’ll be most useful.

Givers, in turn, feel more certainty because they have clearer guidelines for the kind of feedback they should give.