As you work through a conflict, stop to notice your progress. Ask: “What do we agree on already?”

A conflict is a difference of perspectives on an issue. When working through a conflict, you take turns sharing your perspectives until you come to a resolution. If you look, you will find that you agree on several points. That keeps the conversation more focused on the issue rather than your differences.

You both agree that you want a meaningful and happy holiday. You both want to spend quality time with friends. “We agree that we want a fun and happy holiday, and that we want to spend time with friends.” Your differences may be around which friends to celebrate with this year. Discuss the pros and cons of each possibility. In that discussion, you’ll find more elements that you agree on. “We both know that going with Z will be loud. However, I am looking for a quiet weekend.”

Keep going until you come to a resolution.