The mental load involves the invisible remembering and juggling of details, decisions, and constant problem-solving that keeps a household running.  Usually, the bigger bulk of this mental load falls on the wife. Wives can definitely ask for support and more equal balance of the mental load.

1. Ask for Help: Given that much of the mental load work is invisible, your husband may not fully grasp the extent of what you’re managing. Take the initiative to ask for assistance and clearly communicate which tasks could alleviate some of your burden. Prepare in advance by outlining specific tasks and all the details and mental load those entail.
2. Be Flexible: Understand that when your husband does a task, it may be completed differently than you would have done it.  Expect there may be some initial hiccups as your husband takes on new responsibilities. Remember, there’s a learning curve for him too.  Even if the task seems pretty simple and straightforward, it may not be that simple to him – yet.
3. Make Your Thinking Visible: Keep your husband informed about your problem-solving process. Share your thoughts aloud, even if you’re not actively seeking his input. This transparency helps him understand the complexities involved in managing the mental load and can foster a sense of partnership and collaboration.
4. Set Aside Time for Mental Load: Thinking through tasks and decisions often requires dedicated time and focus; multitasking isn’t conducive to effective problem-solving.  As applicable, ask your husband to take over another task to free up your time and mental space as needed.
5. Involve Him in Decision-Making: Actively engage your husband in decision-making processes related to household tasks, or delegate entire tasks to him. This collaborative approach ensures that both of you contribute to managing the mental load and fosters a shared sense of responsibility.
6. Express Gratitude: Acknowledge and thank your husband for taking on tasks and lightening your load. Showing appreciation strengthens your partnership and encourages continued support in managing the mental load.  “My load feels lighter. I feel much less overwhelmed. I can see that I am calmer with the kids. Thank you for taking over that task.”