Someone’s actions or inactions make us angry. We think it is because of what they did, as if we are victims of their actions. It really might be that we are angry at ourselves – for not upholding a boundary, for not being assertive enough, for creating an atmosphere where they could do that.

Too often, resentment isn’t anger with someone else at all. It is anger with oneself – misdirected at someone else through the lens of victimhood.

That resentment doesn’t serve any useful purpose. Playing the victim doesn’t lead to happiness or empowerment.

It may be very hard to recognize and admit that it is really you who you are angry with for not setting clearer, stronger limits. It is worthwhile to humble yourself and release the resentment and work on making the changes in the way you show up in the relationship.

When you take 100 percent responsibility and realize your anger is really toward yourself, resentment melts away and makes space for greater happiness.