Thoughts and feelings are often used interchangeably. There really is a difference – a big difference.

ONLY USE THE WORDS ‘I FEEL/ I AM ‘ WHEN FOLLOWED BY A TRUE FEELING, NOT A THOUGHT/ OPINION.

Feelings “I feel/ I am” followed by [a feeling]

• “I feel [sad, mad, glad, scared]”
• “I am [sad, mad, glad, scared]”

Sometimes, thoughts are masquerading as feelings
“I feel” followed by [that/ like/ as if ]

• “I feel that he should know better.”
• “I feel like a failure.”
• “I feel as if I’m talking to a wall.”

“I feel” followed by [I, you, he, she, they, it]

• “I feel I am constantly on call.”
• “I feel it is useless.”

“I feel” followed by [name or description of person]

• “I feel Sammy has been very irresponsible.”
• “I feel my spouse is so wonderful.”

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Some statements that start with “I feel/ I am”:

• “I feel that you should know better.” –> thought (“I think…”)
• “I feel frustrated.” –> feeling
• “I feel it is useless.” –> thought (“I think…”)
• “I feel scared when you say that” –> feeling
• “I feel you don’t love me.” –> opinion (“I think …”)
• “I am sad that you’re leaving” –> feeling
• “I feel you are annoying me on purpose.” –> opinion (“I think …)
• “I am upset because I think you are annoying me purpose.” –> feeling
• “I feel I am being unkind to them.” –> opinion (“I think …)
• “I feel regret around how I am behaving towards them.” –> feelings

Sometimes, we use the word “feel” when we have opinions, are evaluating the actions of others, or how we think others are acting toward us:

• “I feel inadequate as a guitar player.” –> opinion of my ability
• “I feel (disappointed, impatient, frustrated) with myself as a guitar player.” –> feeling
• “I feel unimportant to the people with whom I work.” –> thought (how I think other are evaluating me)
• “I feel misunderstood.” –> my opinion about the other person level of understanding
• “I feel ignored.” –> an interpretation of the action of others rather than a clear statement of how we are feeling.
• “When you don’t greet me, I feel neglected.” –> interpretation
• “When you don’t greet me at the door, I feel lonely.” –> feeling