Sometimes when we have a big challenge that needs us to do some hard work to resolve, we tend to stay stuck by ruminating, worrying, fantasizing, plotting revenge, or some other type of unworkable behavior that doesn’t resolve the issue at all.

So why do we do this? We do things for the payoff, something that feels good at the moment. Even bad habits have a payoff, no matter how dysfunctional it looks on the surface.

Some payoffs might be: We don’t have to take responsibility for our part in the problem. By resisting change, we can avoid the unknown. We can avoid failure. We don’t have to admit our vulnerabilities. We are afraid to lose the attention of people who ‘assist’ or pity us. We like to hold onto the grudge.

Once we recognize the payoff for the bad habit, it’s time to think of the tradeoffs. We could be relieved of the stress but we perpetuate it by not taking action. Think about: What are we losing by exercising that habit? If we keep on doing what we’ve been doing, what is it costing us in terms of health/ wellbeing/ relationships? What will life be like in one year, five years, ten years?

Now that we’ve weighed both sides of the issue–the payoff and the tradeoff–it’s time to make a choice. It’s no longer an involuntary act because now we know that we are making a choice every time we do the bad habit. We are choosing what we value more: the payoff or the tradeoff!