“I care, therefore I criticize,” or “I’m telling you this because I care about you.” To the one who is being told to do things differently, what comes through loudest and clearest is the criticism. But the one offering suggestions and judgments is usually focused on the caring. Why the disconnect? So much depends on […]
Month: June 2020
Be willing to hurt each other’s feelings
We’re not talking about hurting your partner’s feelings on purpose. Not every conversation will be comfortable. Sometimes something must be brought up for the sake of the relationship, for the family, for your spouse’s betterment. It is quite possible that your spouse may be slightly hurt or even very hurt. If your spouse does something […]
Adai Ad’s Weekly 3-2-1 [06/28/2020]
3 Conversations you might have this week What is the difference between constructive criticism and feedback? How do you prefer to hear about something in which you can benefit from improvement? What should be on our ‘we don’t do that’ list? What is a food or restaurant you want to try this summer? 2 Quotes […]
Words to avoid: “I’m entitled to my opinion”
Of course everyone is indeed entitled to their opinion. Yet, the phrase “I’m entitled to my opinion” has a negative undertone. It gives the impression that you want to close the conversation and do not care to hear the other opinion(s) being offered in the discussion. Even worse, it has the connotation that further discussion […]
Do random acts of kindness for your spouse
More than cute little surprises, do some random acts of kindness and helpfulness. At all times, an unexpected act of kindness can go a long way to boost every one’s day. Some ideas to get you thinking… – Fill their car with gas. Clean their car. – Cut up a salad. – Prepare a smoothie […]
Keep things unpredictable
Predictability has its place. At the same time everyone appreciates a little novelty and surprise every so often. Do surprising things that make married life less predictable. Every relationship, without exception, needs excitement. – Instead of going out for dinner for a date, go for brunch. – Pick up a little gift that shows you […]
Use positive words
Studies are showing that thinking and speaking in positive language can literally change your brain. Hearing and using positive language can make you feel great—physically, mentally and emotionally. On the flip side, negative language can block the brain’s natural de-stress mechanisms. It might be worthwhile to think about some phrases you use often and replace […]
Expect less, get more
Unrealized expectations lead to disappointment and frustration and ultimately resentment. The fewer unrealistic expectations you have about marriage and each other the better. Expectations in areas of how you talk to each other, treat each other, stick up for each other, spend time together, show love and respect, etc. When you don’t have a long […]
Adai Ad’s Weekly 3-2-1 [06/21/2020]
3 Conversations you might have this week What is something that you wish you would have mentioned to your spouse earlier? What is the difference between ‘give and take’ and ‘give and receive’? What do you like about the neighborhood you live in? 2 Quotes to inspire you “Every small step in the right direction […]
Express emotions at the first sign of emotional turmoil—when the issue is small.
If it is truly a passing emotion, there may be no need to express it at all. If it is likely to grow into something larger, then share your feelings and thoughts about the issue while it is small and can be resolved easier (and probably quicker). If you push your feelings down and try […]