Having expectations leads to disappointment when those are not met. Even more so when there is an exact expectation. “My spouse knows exactly what I want for my birthday and I didn’t get that from them. I’m so angry at them.” “My spouse should know that they should be doing [that] for the family (or […]
Month: January 2021
Be curious and you’ll resolve more creatively
When we are curious, we view tough situations more creatively. Creativity is so powerful because it enables us to lean into uncertainty with a positive attitude – relaxing and opening our minds to new ideas, skills, and ways of solving problems. Curiosity opens us to generate and accept alternatives. When our curiosity is piqued, we […]
Shiduchim: Are we writing off people too quickly?
Undoubtedly, we all have challenges in our lives. But, at least on the surface, some people’s challenges are more profound, and – in the arena of shidduchim – too often become a basis for wonderful people not to be given the opportunity as a potential shiduch. True, some people’s lives seem complicated, as they carry […]
Words to Avoid:” This would have never happened if you would have …”
This is usually said with frustration and blame after something did not go as hoped. Instead, put your energy into working with the current reality. Later, you can examine what happened so you can learn for the future. “Let’s unpack what happened here, so we can use this as a learning experience.”
Do one of your spouse’s chores or responsibilities
DO ONE OF YOUR SPOUSE’S CHORES OR RESPONSIBILITIES Make your spouse’s day easier. Take something off their plate. “You had a hard day, I can do [that] tonight and you just unwind.” “I’m passing the store, is there anything I should pick up?” “I can rearrange my schedule today; I can do [that errand] so […]
Thank your spouse often
Think of the little and big things that your spouse brings to your life and family. Thank them. With a full gratitude. Don’t anything for granted, as if it is their job. When you are gracious in your thinking, you will think of lots of things to be grateful for. “Thank you for taking care […]
Adai Ad’s Weekly 3-2-1 [01/24/2021]
3 Conversations you might have this week What is something that you did that you feel your spouse has misunderstood and you want to clarify? Who is a friend from your past that you wish you could reconnect with? What is something you bought this week that you know was a luxury but you bought […]
Deal with a bad day – together
If your spouse is having a bad day, reach out with love. Tell them, with words, that you are there for them and for anything they need. Then let them choose what would help the most. You might offer a few options of things that you know have worked in the past. “Do you want […]
Fear has no place in a healthy relationship
In a healthy relationship, each of the couple’s voice is heard and respected. There may be differences and conflicts, but in the end, both know that their perspectives and ideas are valued. Sometimes, someone might be nervous to bring up a topic because they may want to avoid their own discomfort or they don’t want […]
Words to Avoid: “OK, if that’s what you want to think …”
This is usually said after a discussion with difference of perspectives, and it implies that you think the other is an idiot for having the perspective that they do. Instead, respect that they are a separate individual with experiences and influences, and thus have different perspectives.