Some people distort and exaggerate the truth when they want to convince someone that they are right and the other is wrong. The other person will likely recognize that distortion of the truth and will focus on that. They will move the conversation to discredit the exaggeration. Additionally, they will recognize that you are trying […]
Month: February 2019
Accept the apology gracefully.
Accept the apology when it’s sincerely given. (You can tell the difference. If it wasn’t given honestly, there was no apology, thus nothing to accept.) Don’t say flip phrases like, “Oh forget it,” “You don’t have to apologize,” “It was nothing.” It’s too easy to go there when everyone is clearly uncomfortable. But you both […]
Reflect: what is it like to be married to me?
Periodically reflect on your marriage: What is it like to be married to me? What is it like to be my husband/wife? Do you like what you see? What are you doing that enhances your spouse’s life?Is there some area that you could improve? Something you should be doing more often? Less often? You might […]
Fighting ends when cooperation begins.
You are a team; the two of you against the issue. Do what you can to collaborate against the issue. Asking politely for suggestions or alternatives invites collaboration. “How might we address this? What are your thoughts about this?” Careful consideration of options shows respect to your spouse. “I didn’t it that way. Hmm. I […]
Change takes time. Hang in there.
Even when you decide to improve an aspect in your marriage, it still takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. Change doesn’t happen just because you decided that something needs to change. Not even if you verbalize it. Not even if you take full responsibility. Not even if you begin to act or speak differently. It […]
During tough convos, write it down.
When talking about what you might do to improve or enhance your marriage, write it all down. Firstly, it shows that you are taking the conversation seriously. And you will also have a good recording of what was shared; this will help you remember. The act of writing it down is not only so you […]
Don’t let your charge drain out.
You know that sinking feeling when you see you have only a little bit of juice left in your battery. Your relationship runs similar to that cell phone battery. If the battery is allowed to drain too low, it doesn’t function as well. With your cell phone, you can just plug in to keep it […]
Happy with less: try living with one less desire.
Happiness from stuff tends to wear off quickly. We get used to things (the concept of ‘hedonic adaptation’). In the beginning, the stuff is new and exciting, but we quickly adapt to it. The next thing we know, we are looking for something new and better to satisfy our cravings. This can become a vicious […]
Do something nice for your spouse.
It doesn’t have to be big. Prepare a snack for your spouse. Brew a cup of coffee. It can take less than a minute. Of course, your spouse benefits from the action; they get the snack or coffee. More importantly, your relationship benefits from your giving or doing for your spouse.
‘Fair’ or ‘unfair’, work with the life you have.
Everyone faces different obstacles; everyone has a different path. Some people have what may seem to be more advantages than others. That is Hashem’s plan for us. The moment we start comparing our path to someone else’s path, or to what we deem is ‘fair’ or ‘unfair’ we lose sight of what’s in front of […]