There are some people who feel that their spouse spends way too much time with his/her own parents. For some, this is a truth. For others, it is a difference of expectations and family dynamics. – Before resentment arises (or grows), it is worthwhile to discuss and explore your expectations about relationships with families of […]
Month: August 2018
No nagging: Ask for help with a solution
When you go to your spouse and demand (nag) that s/he make a change, it will put him/her on the defense. (That’s just human nature.) – It is much easier to help him/her get there by presenting the problem you have and asking for help coming up with a solution. You never know what kind […]
Complaining about your spouse makes all worse
While it might feel good for a moment, constant complaining to others about your spouse can actually be toxic to your relationship. Firstly, it is disloyal to the person you supposedly care about. When someone speaks negatively about us, we tend to feel hurt, angry, defensive and resentful, which leads to thoughts like, “If you […]
Have a “Remember When” moment
One powerful way to strengthen your marriage is to deliberately call to mind the highlights of your life together. It’s amazing what reminiscing does for a relationship when you talk about special moments, revisit special places, watch home videos, look at old pictures or listen to special songs.
Make time to play
As you plan your days and weeks, plan for some downtime, for some play. Whatever play means to you; something you enjoy doing. Not every minute has to be filled with work and housework and chores and errands. Do things that are fun for you. Gardening, reading a book (OK, an article), crossword puzzles, slow […]
Compromise. Even if it doesn’t make sense to you
Compromise. It’s about doing something for the other person even if it goes against what you think makes most sense. –
Know what makes your spouse smile
What is it that makes your spouse smile? What can help him/her get out of a bad mood? What can energize him/her? Ask directly. “What can I do to help you when you are feeling like this?” (When your spouse asks you this question, answer truthfully and fully. Your spouse really does want to be […]
It’s not all about equality and fairness
Happy marriages are about positive feelings – not a perfect 50/50 split. When a couple writes up a “contract” of who does what, it’s no longer about unconditional love and supporting each other. If there is this keeping of score, there will inevitably be anger and resentment. – It’s not about being equal in everything, […]
Don’t let others interfere in your marriage
Keep your boundaries. Your spouse and the family you created together are your first priorities. Don’t let anyone or anything interfere with that. Not your parents, not your friends, not your work. Especially not your parents. – Parents usually mean well when they give advice or ask questions. Or they sincerely need your help or […]
Words to Avoid: “Not again!”
Some words to avoid: “Not again!” This implies that this happens often, and somehow it someone else’s fault. Instead, find the humor in it.