Of course, you thanked your spouse when you first received the gift. It is nice to hear it again from time to time. Possibly, even more meaningful, because it comes out of the blue. – Wearing a scarf your spouse gave you? Just mention it. “This is a great scarf you bought me.” Using something […]
Month: November 2018
Keep track of their wishes
Keep track of potential “gifts” and make a wish list for them. All it takes is listening, and adding it to a running list in your phone. When they share about something they’d love to have or something that would make life easier or better, add it to the wish list. (For super techy people, […]
Do something that your spouse hates
Do something that your spouse hates to do, but it just needs to get done so they do it. Like cleaning the bathroom, or filling the car. Or changing the lightbulb. And, don’t make a big deal about the fact you did it.
Make a list of date ideas
One evening when you can’t get out, plan for your next dates. Create a list of things that you would like to do when you can go out. (Ideally on a shared Google document so you can each add to it as a new idea comes to you.) Start with places and activities that you […]
Just throw away the water bottle yourself
Just pick up the socks. Just throw out the water bottle. It takes just a few seconds. You don’t have to make it into a scene. You don’t have to express your frustration about it in your moment of frustration. – And at a later point, when you are calmer, you can bring it up. […]
The one who takes offense is the loser
Most of the time, the other person did not intentionally set out to offend you. There is a reasonable explanation for what was said or done. Perhaps not to your liking, yet reasonable all the same. When we take offense, it limits our ability to see the situation objectively. We focus on everything that is […]
If you are going to assume, assume positively
Too often, we put our own perceptions and stories into whatever was just said or done. Often, they are wrong. So, if you are going to assume, why not assume on the side of the positive.
It’s all in how you look at it
Both of you had a long day. Your spouse calls and asks for some quiet time when they come home. – Here are 2 ways to look at it: “What? I also had a hard day. They weren’t around in the morning or last night. Or the morning before that or the night before that. […]
Complaining about your spouse? A better way.
Complaining doesn’t get you anywhere. Reaching out to friends can seem like it can help you keep your sanity when something isn’t going well. And sometimes it does. For a short while. But complaining in and of itself doesn’t change anything. And usually makes things worse, since you are building up the problem in your […]
Micro validations
‘Validating’ is showing the other person that you understand where they are coming from. (It is not agreeing). – Sometimes, a short validation is all that is needed. As applicable, you can offer short comments as micro validations. This lets the other person know you are listening, withholding judgment and seeing things from their perspective […]