Your spouse most likely feels silly and wrong. Why would you want to add to that? What is gained by saying ‘I told you so’; is it your one-upmanship? Your gut reaction might be to allow them to let them suffer the natural consequences of their action or dis-action. What will that accomplish? Rather, help […]
Month: October 2018
‘Giving in’ or giving
When you do it for your spouse – even when you originally didn’t want to – are you ‘giving in’? Well, technically, you might be. But if you are already doing it, you may as well do it fully. See it as giving to your spouse. Doing for them. Giving to them. “It’s not my […]
Don’t let the trash get overwhelming
When the trash can is spilling over, the job of taking it out seems much more daunting. You’ll have to squash the stuff back into the bag and pick up the pieces that have spilled over to the floor. Just take it out before it gets too full. Similarly, deal with relationship issues before they […]
Said it “1000 times”? Now try something new.
Seriously. If you’ve said the same thing one thousand (or even a few dozen times) and you are not getting the result you hoped for, then who is the stubborn fool? You know that it is not the way to get the change you seek, so why are you saying it again and again? – […]
Accept the reluctant ‘yes’
Your spouse doesn’t have to want to do it. But they are doing it. Be grateful. And express it in the full. Don’t insist that they should ‘want’ to do it for you. Express your gratitude fully; include how whatever they just did enriched your life (or made it easier or better). “I know you […]
Do a chore together.
It’s the ‘together’ part that is important. What you do is much less so. You can cook dinner together. Move furniture. Paint a room. Clean the backyard. Change a lightbulb. Even if you can do it faster and better alone, do it together. Not for the chore, but for the marriage. – Ask for help. […]
Talk about positive, not only negative
Talk about what pleases you, not only what bothers you. Preface negative statements with positive ones that let your spouse know that you haven’t forgotten their good qualities, even when you are upset about something. —- “I know that you have good intentions when you say that you’ll be home early…but it’s a real problem […]
High dreams. Low dreams
Your dreams don’t just come true. You have to work toward them. Your high dreams – how do you dream your marriage relationship will be: What will you be doing for your spouse? What will your spouse be doing for you (be realistic)? What will you be doing together? What are you going to do […]
Why should you start? Because you want the change.
“Why should I start the change?” Someone has to start. You want the change. So you start. Your spouse will follow shortly (at least, spouses usually do).
When you are silent, are you listening or waiting?
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU ARE SILENT DURING THE CONVERSATION. – “All my days I grew up among the sages and did not find anything better for the body than silence.” – Avos 1:17 – “There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak.” – Simon Sinek – Similarly, “The opposite […]