Labels aren’t helpful. When you label, diagnose or attribute a negative personality trait to your partner, you begin to believe that they can never change. Rather, describe the behavior that you are noticing. Be realistic about how often it really happens. And be curious about triggers might be prompting the different behaviors. “Sometimes he withdraws […]
Month: April 2019
Blaming can make you feel trapped
Sure, there may be a grain of truth in almost any negative thought, but blaming the other makes you feel helpless and trapped – that things probably won’t get any better. A more effective way of approaching this is to take a “Let’s fix it together” approach. You can validate each other, share responsibility for […]
Gevura (sefira: week 2)
Literal definition: Strength In other words: Restraint – Channeling – Focus – Discernment – Respect for boundaries – Discipline EXPRESSIONS of Gevurah: • Gevurah is about setting up boundaries and standards so that our kindness, love, giving and all activities in our lives have focus and direction; this is what yields success. Through Gevurah, we […]
Ask “Is there more?”
Putting your own feelings, thoughts, and comments on hold while you focus on your spouse’s emotions until they have shared all of their feelings and feel understood. Wait until your spouse has finished talking; wait for silence of 3 seconds. Ask “Is there more?” and allow them to add some more.
Assumptions lead to blame, frustration and resentment.
Don’t assume that you know the other person’s intentions. Too often, we infer their intentions. And we get it wrong. Those assumptions lead to frustration, blame and then resentment. “He left it behind because he doesn’t care how important it is to me.” “She didn’t do what I asked because she really doesn’t care about […]
Look for ways to make your spouse happy.
Ask yourself: “What can I do today to make my partner happy?” And mean it.
Chesed (sefira: week 1)
CHESED (Sefira: Week 1) Literal definition: Kindness (Loving Kindness) In other words: Nurturing. Warmth. Providing someone’s needs. Love. Chassidus explains that “Ahavah love” is from the word Ovoh. Which is Netiyas Hanefesh, wanting to connect. Gravitating to another on a soul level. Not the shallow ‘love’ of the common secular vernacular. – EXPRESSIONS of Chesed […]
It only takes a few minutes to recharge. Find the time.
Too often, we lose ourselves in the busyness and stress of our days and lives. Too often, we put ourselves last. But in reality, it is especially in those most stressful and busy times that you need a little bit of ‘me-time’ to continue plowing forward. And those around you need you to have that […]
Matzah is Humility
Matzah, with its flatness, reflects selfless humility. Pride and ego are often at the root of the issues in so many conflicts. Pride shows up as selfishness, arrogance, unforgiveness, intolerance, self-righteousness, anger, defensiveness and the NEED TO BE RIGHT!! Humility is the acceptance of things as they are. Only the humble have a firm grasp […]
Free yourself from your limiting beliefs
True freedom is not being limited by the boundaries that hold us back from our true potential. Those boundaries may be of our own making, and sometimes outside influences. Your limiting beliefs, the stories you tell yourself, staying in your comfort zone those are all self imposed limitations. And those boundaries you can definitely ‘pass […]