In a caring and calm voice, you might say something along these lines: “Please speak in a calmer tone so I can listen better.” – Take the onus on yourself; you can’t listen well when there is screaming. – “I need to stop you for a moment.” And once they stop, “This is much too […]
Month: September 2018
Taste your words before you spit them out
Once your words are said, the impression they leave is remembered forever. Even if the words are forgiven, they are not forgotten. Choose your words carefully.
Happiness flows from connection
You can’t make another person happy. No one can make you happy. – Meet each other’s needs. And the happiness will flow from that.
Make it easier for your spouse to love you
Think how you could make it easier for your spouse to increase their positive characteristics (ie: to do more of what you would like to see from them). – Think about: For my spouse to be more ________, I could ________. For my spouse to pitch in more with housework, I could be less concerned […]
The ‘Yes-No’ balance
Every choice you make is like a seesaw; when you say “yes” to one thing, you are saying “no” to another. For example, if you are saying ‘yes’ to helping someone, you are saying ‘no’ to using that time for yourself. If you are saying ‘yes’ to working more hours, you are saying ‘no’ to […]
Men and women deal with stress differently
Men and women feel stress differently and manage stress differently as well. To generalize, women reach out to others when stressed, and men seek escape. Women will seek support and want to talk about it to lower their anxiety. Men repress their feelings and might change the subject. The key is to understand the difference […]
Request forgiveness.
Asking for forgiveness places control in the other person’s hands, since he/she doesn’t have to forgive you just because you’ve apologized. Note: There is a difference between asking for forgiveness and DEMANDING forgiveness. Words you might use: “I care about you a lot. Will you please forgive me?” – “I know it might take you […]
Accept an apology gracefully
How you accept an apology from your spouse will impact if you will get apologies in the future; after all, arguments and injuries are inevitable in a marriage. Accept the apology gracefully. If you make it hard to apologize, your spouse will be less forthcoming in the future. Accepting the apology gracefully and forgiving is […]
Don’t ruin an apology with an excuse.
A heartfelt apology includes REMORSE. Remorse comes from true empathy for the pain the other person is feeling because of your actions. Remorse is different from feeling regret. Regret has to do with wishing you hadn’t taken a particular action or said something. You may regret an action because it hurt someone else, but you […]
Put your marriage first. Adjust and accommodate.
It is about seeing that the other person has just as much right to be happy with the result as you do. – Accommodating is not an act of weakness; it demonstrates that you care for someone – beyond yourself. – Accommodating doesn’t mean that you are wrong and someone is right. It only means […]