Forgiveness can’t always make the situation better – especially if the offense continues. Yes, you can release the previous pain and hurt. But then it happens again. If you have done some true self-introspection to determine that you are not being supersensitive, or the act is obviously egregious, then it is worthwhile to set up […]
Month: September 2020
The doors to goodness are unlocked; but you’ll never know until you try to open them
Hashem has goodness in store for everyone. Everyone. Often, it is just on the other side of the door. To open that door, you just have to turn the handle. You may have to give it a little nudge or push. But the door to your goodness and opportunity is already open. Sometimes, there are […]
A mistake is an action (a ‘take’) that missed
Everyone makes mistakes. It is the way we were created. What happens after the mistake? We might feel pain from the mistake we made (“Stupid, how did I do that!”). Fear of facing that pain again can deters us from making that mistake in the future. Maybe. When we do this, we are diminishing ourselves, […]
Words to Use: “Please help me better understand”
As unique individuals coming from different backgrounds, there will be instances where you and your spouse view things from different perspectives. You may not fully appreciate why something is so important or meaningful to them. It’s best to ask for more information, “Please help me better understand what about this is so important to you.” […]
True repentance is about focusing on your relationship
Teshuva is not about feeling ashamed about the sins you did. It is about committing to your relationship with Hashem, and doing what it takes to enhance the relationship. Similarly, it is not about wanting to be a better spouse. It is about focusing on your spouse and doing right by them. – Rabbi Manis […]
How to apologize so the other is more inclined to forgive
If you have wronged someone, it is incumbent on you to help them release themselves of the pain they may be feeling. A lot of it can come from your sincere apology. The apology is for them, not for you. Work from a place of true humility and remorse. It will come across in your […]
Words to Avoid: “That’s so stupid”
Other versions of this are: That’s ridiculous. That’s ignorant. That’s unrealistic.
You may not agree with the other person’s words, ideas or point of view. Nonetheless, you should always respect them.
When you say such words, you are probably trying to get the other person to see your perspective. Now think about how these words land on the other person. Will they be willing to listen? Not likely. And now on top of the difference of ideas, you have added disrespect unnecessarily.
There’s a better way. “I can see your point. I don’t think it is the best course of action because ….” “Your plan can be problematic and here’s why…”
May all your relationships bring you much joy and nachas
Adai Ad wishes you much joy and nachas from all your relationships.
Seeing the other’s perspective can help with forgiveness
When you are able to see things from another person’s perspective, then you are able to ask for forgiveness and to grant forgiveness. – Rabbi YY Jacobsonhttps://www.youtube.com/embed/gGxPpoLsvrk?start=786…–When someone does something that causes you pain, it often helps to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Try to see the situation from their perspective. Instead of […]
Words to Avoid: “I will never forgive you for that”
Forgiveness is a gift. A gift you give to yourself. When you hold onto resentment or a grudge, you are shackling yourself to that event in your past. That hurt and resentment is a burden – the offender doesn’t carry it, only you do. Actually, when you hold that grudge, you are giving power to […]