Positive self-talk is talking to yourself in a positive manner – talking to yourself to empower yourself. Make it a daily habit to speak to yourself like you would a good friend who is in need of support and encouragement. You’d never say horrible, mean things to them, so don’t say them to yourself either! […]
Month: June 2019
Ask: “How can I make your day better?”
Because you love your spouse, you really do wish that their life could be as wonderful as possible. You can do a part in making their life even better. Just ask what it is that you can do. “How can I make your day better?” Be sincere when you ask it. It isn’t manipulation or […]
What not to say: “Supposed to …”
“You were supposed to mail that package last week. Now it’s going to be late.” Bringing up a mistake just for your own satisfaction of hearing them admit they were wrong doesn’t resolve the situation. Blaming, complaining or nagging causes the other person to feel like a failure. No wonder that they defend themselves. They […]
Are you displacing your anger, frustration, disappointment?
Often when we feel powerless, we dump our anger, frustration, disappointment on someone else — someone we know won’t fight back. And of course, it has nothing to do with them. What’s really happening is that you are feeling overwhelmed and you feel that you cannot express your true feelings in that situation and so […]
Share your ‘unspoken rules’
Everyone lives by a set of ‘unspoken rules’ – rules that are rarely articulated. Each of you have your own ideas about what is acceptable and it probably doesn’t even occur to you that you would have different expectations in that area. Too often, we don’t articulate the rules until they are broken; actually, that […]
Negative emotions: Don’t suppress or lash out. Reappraise.
Many people deal with negative emotions – frustration, disappointment, anger, fear – by suppressing those feelings, hiding them and putting on a fake smile. This is not effective and leads to several negative outcomes for the person: negative impact on relationships, resentments, less support and elevated blood pressure. And it also elevates other people’s stress […]
Let your spouse do what is important to them.
Let your spouse have the space and time to do the things that are important to them. Our desires don’t always outweigh their desires. And note, they may just want or need time for a hobby or some downtime. It isn’t always about tasks, errands and chores. Too often, we want our priorities to be […]
Ask: “What is your preferred way?”
Get to you know your spouse’s preferred ways of doing things – like relaxing, hearing difficult news, feel loved, work through problems, etc. Ask. Ask. Ask. You can ask in theory – before you actually are in a situation: “How do you feel loved? What can I do more of?” “What would be a great […]
Reflect on your thoughts: Can it be confirmation bias?
Confirmation Bias: When people would like a certain idea or concept to be true, they seek and embrace information that confirms that view while ignoring, or rejecting, information that casts doubt on it. They are motivated by wishful thinking. Someone begins with a faulty assumption and then looks for evidence to prove their assumption. “My […]
Bullying may win the battle, but it loses the relationship
Sometimes, people so desperately want to get whatever it is they want, they may act like a bully to get it. They may insult, manipulate, shun, trick, tease, put down, degrade, insist. In other words, bully. They may win the battle and get what they want. For this time. But the relationship is losing. –