It doesn’t matter how much you love someone. What matters is that they know it. The things we feel about one another so often go unexpressed, because we’re busy or thoughtless. Or, because we assume they know. Or, because we want to express it in the most perfect way, so we keep thinking about how […]
Month: January 2020
Love them in the way they prefer – even if you don’t understand it.
Hallmark, jewelers, chocolatiers and thousands of other marketers are telling us what gifts we ought to be wanting and giving to show our love. But those may not be what your spouse wants at all. Expressing love is about the other, so do it their way. Your spouse is unique and may have unique and […]
Make your thinking visible.
Help your spouse see and understand your thought process as you come to your decisions. Explain the criteria you consider. How you think about who else may be impacted by the decision. Talk about any risks and trade-offs you assess. Share your priorities, values, fears, goals, dreams and how those all fit into your thought […]
Use gentler words for productive discussions.
Softer, gentle language is better received by others. You can get the same message across with a softer tone. The conversation stays focused on the topic and doesn’t get argumentative because of unfortunate choice of words. Use ‘I statements’. “When _____, I feel ______” Choose words that foster collaboration rather than defensiveness or defiance. “How […]
Press the ‘reset’ button every morning.
Start each morning fresh – a new opportunity for developing and deepening your relationship. Leave the past in the past and let every day be a clean slate between you and your spouse. Accept that we all have bad days or some things don’t come out as intended. Forget, forgive and start fresh. Even if […]
Have a shared vision; if you have two separate visions, then you have division.
It is important to have a shared vision to guide you as you navigate life. Your vision gives you a shared sense of purpose that you can work on together, as a team. The word division is made up of two parts. The prefix di means “two.” So the word division means “two visions.”
Work on your dreams together.
Most dreams need research and planning. Work on that together. Each of you take the tasks that you are good at or more passionate about. One of you knows how to do research on the computer? One is better at talking to others? Come back together and share. Try to be as objective as possible […]
Talk about your dreams.
Without a plan, it is very difficult to make the dream a reality. Since it is a dream that you both have, you both will have ideas about the hows. Brainstorm together. Some ideas will be worth pursuing, some may be way out of reach. Collaborate to create a joint plan. Develop clear and vivid […]
A million dreams. Share them with your spouse.
It can be fun to share your million dreams – with a partner who believes in you. Firstly, be open and nonjudgmental. And respectful of different perspectives and needs. As you dream together, you’ll probably have different ideas. Discuss, talk, research. Be ready to listen and modify your dreams. This ought to be an opportunity […]
How well do you know her?
For men (click here for women’s version) Her values Her values should be compatible with yours. They do not have to be identical. How does she envision her family life to be? her role? her husband’s role? What drives her? What does she see as her purpose in life? How does her Yiddishkeit affect who she is? […]