Spending time together and sharing common interests is great, but focusing on your own interests also is healthy. Your schedules and interests may not always work out. Pursue your interests with those who share those interests. Not instead of spending time with your spouse, rather in addition to the time you spend together. You don’t […]
Month: July 2018
Every marriage has its perpetual problems
It’s inevitable. There will be some areas where the two of you will never agree. These are likely based on either fundamental differences in your personalities, or fundamental differences in your life style needs. It’s how you see the world. These are problems that you will return to again and again. They will never be […]
Receive well and you’ll get more
Spouses generally like to give to the other. In the giving, they build their love. Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin of intimacy. Receive what is given – with grace and the same compassion and love in which it was given. Letting ourselves receive deeply and graciously is a gift to […]
Address the underlying emotion in the issue
Emotions are complex. Under the anger or accusations (the HARD emotions), there are more vulnerable emotions, like fear, anxiety, embarrassment, hurt (the SOFT emotions). Sometimes our strongest (soft) emotions hide under other (hard) emotions because they represent our deepest needs and fears, and it can be scary to express them. And so we may use […]
Differences are OK. It’s all in how you deal with them.
There will always be differences in opinions, habits, traits, interests and perspectives. After all, you are two separate people. A happy marriage depends less on your being compatible and more on how you deal with incompatibility. Respect the other’s way of being or looking at the world. You might learn something interesting. Support your spouse’s […]
Your spouse comes first. Your children are next.
Of course, you’d be willing to do anything for your kids. But don’t sacrifice your marriage for your kids. Put your spouse first. Never let your marriage fall to autopilot mode. Firstly, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is the security that comes from seeing their parents in a loving, committed […]
Your spouse can’t read your mind
One of the most common miscommunication traps in marriage happens when we think our nonverbal hints should be more than enough to get the message across OR we think the answer is so obvious that we shouldn’t have to say it out loud. When we fall into this trap, one spouse stays clueless and the […]
Love is built from many small things
It’s the small things that count. Lots of small little things. Things that the other may not even know you did. Like not eating the last piece of cake just so your spouse could have it. Like not bothering him/her when s/he is reading. Like bringing him/her a cup of cold water – without being […]
Never go to sleep angry
Never go to sleep angry. Ok, almost never. It’s not so much that you have to work it all out before you allow yourself to go to sleep. Rather, it’s more about lightening up and learning to let go of the little irritations. It’s just not worth it. Agree that you have different perspectives on […]
It’s OK to go to sleep angry
The advice “Never go to sleep angry” is faulty. Sometimes, the best thing to do is get some sleep before trying to work through the issue. When we’re tired, we just can’t think straight; the part of the brain responsible for self control and judgment isn’t working right. And we might end up saying things […]