So many of our anxieties are not founded in reality. Address the real issues and quiet those that are taking space in your head but are not productive. Create a two-column list. On one side list all your fears, uncertainties, and doubts (or FUD). “If I don’t do X, then Y.” “I don’t have any […]
Month: February 2020
Increase your happiness: think less about what you need and more about what you are needed for
Happiness is our natural state. Children are born happy. Somewhere along our years, we lose some of that. The happiness is still there – in our soul – albeit covered with worries and concerns. An important way to uncover that natural happiness is by being other-focused and less self-focused. By doing for others, you get […]
Are you a martyr or victim?
When someone is in a mindset of martyr or victim, they often count how much they are doing versus the other people around them. “I do ABCDEF and you only do three things. I am getting the short end of the deal here.” That mentality breaks down relationships. It may be worthwhile to take a […]
Hoo-ah = HUA [Heard. Understood. Acknowledged.]
Hooah, the battle cry of the US Army soldiers. The soldier says (or bellows) this with pride and commitment. While the origins of the battle cry are unknown, some say it stands for HUA, or Heard, Understood and Acknowledged.The soldier is basically saying: “I hear you. I understand you. I acknowledge you.” In other words, […]
Keep focused on the issue. Don’t allow distractions
Often when you bring up an issue – even if you say it with sensitivity and with “I statements” and all – the other person may want to avoid dealing with the issue. Stay focused, don’t fall for their distractions. Some typical distractions are: Denial: “I would never do that.” Defensiveness: “You weren’t there, so […]
It’s the paddling that keeps you standing.
Paddle boarding – a metaphor for life. You can’t just wait for the waves to be calm before you stand up. It’s actually the paddling that keeps you on the board. It’s the forward motion that gives you the stability you need. Sometimes you just have to pick a direction and start pulling that paddle […]
Do you hear criticism where none is intended?
Is it possible that you tend to interpret ambiguous information negatively? Why is that? Do you judge yourself harshly and you just assume that others will judge you harshly too? Do you subconsciously feel that you are not worthy of respect and adoration so you hear things that aren’t even there? Do you have a […]
Look for the patterns of your fights
Do you find yourselves bickering or fighting over trivial things? It might be worthwhile to reflect and try to uncover the patterns of those fights. Once you know your triggers, you can begin to address those. Do you tend to fight right before you are leaving the house? Right before one of you is going […]
Confront the issue, not the person.
Instead of going head to head on the issue, go shoulder to shoulder as you work toward a resolution. Don’t be seeking to blame or shift responsibility. Rather, you should be looking at the issue; clarifying it, addressing it and resolving it – with courage and confidence. 1. Name the issue. Get clear on the […]
The beachball model of solving issues
Many issues are complex and need to be looked at from several angles. You might think of it as a beach ball – with each stripe a different color, all part of the larger picture. Each stripe represents another aspect to consider – your perspective, your spouse’s point of view, time, finances, each child individually, […]