Too often, we hope our spouse (or kids) will just know what it is we want. Instead of asking directly for what we want, we either hope or hint at it. But they just don’t pick up on it. Then we get annoyed and become critical. We hope or hint that we want a glass […]
Month: July 2022
Words to Avoid: “I’m not mad.”
If you are upset about something, don’t let it fester. But then again, maybe you aren’t ready to talk about it. Say that. “I am upset, I need to gather my thoughts about this before I talk about it.” “I’m not ready to talk about it.” “I’m upset, and just want a little bit of […]
I feel. You feel. We don’t feel the same.
People can have two very different experiences of the same event. We are in the same room, and one is cold and one is hot. Two experiences in the same room.We are at the same party, and one is tired and one wants to party on.We are at the same lecture, and one is bored […]
More conversation, less frustration.
Does your spouse wash the dishes in the wrong way? Do they know that? There really is no one right way to wash the dishes. It just might be that you have different ideas about how and when to wash the dishes. Neither of you is right or wrong; it’s your expectation that is the […]
“Let it be” vs “Let it go”.
Stressed? Frustrated? Anxious? Something not going as you hoped? Studies have shown that telling ourselves to “Let it be” as opposed to “Let it go” helps us move on more successfully. The difference seems to be in the effort our mind thinks it will take. “Let it go” seems to require some ‘doing’ or action. […]
Words to Avoid: “It’s gotta stop.”
Often these words are said with anger or frustration. “Your [nagging/spending/ not being home]… It’s gotta stop.” While the request may be reasonable, it’s the tone and wording that make it hard for the other person to take in your perspective. Instead, use an “I statement” explaining your perspective and what you would like. “When […]
Do not agree to do something you do not agree with.
There are many times that we have different perspectives or different ideas of how things ought to be done. Sometimes, people agree to do something in a way that is different from what they really want. Just to avoid conflict or just shut down the conversation. “OK, fine! We’ll go to the airport 5 hours […]
Instead of fighting, uncover & talk about the real issue.
Many times, what we are fighting about is not really what is bothering us. The words in our fighting or bickering may be about the dishes in the sink or the bill that wasn’t paid. Often, there is an underlying emotion – like insecurity or fear or sadness. It is important to talk about the […]
Words to use: “What do you make of it?”
Or similarly, “How does it look to you?” “How do you feel about it?” Asking questions such as these invite the other person to share their perspective. They show you ae listening to them, to their experience, to their point of view. Discussions of perspective sharing can go a long way to collaborating and creating […]
Self-doubt helps us know what to work on.
Self-doubt when starting something new or during transitions is normal. We are about dive into something with which we don’t have much experience. So, it makes sense that we might have some uncomfortable feelings and fears. When we are in the throes of self-doubt, we often feel frozen or overwhelmed. At that point, our attention […]