It may very well not be your preferred way of doing things or hearing words or saying something. But it is your spouse’s. So do it. Say it. Just because they would like it. You may not like words of affection. But your spouse wants that. So say it. You may not need compliments or […]
Month: May 2019
Give space to try again.
We all have those times that something we did or said didn’t come out quite as we intended. Or the words or actions triggered a bad memory in the other. You wouldn’t want your spouse to resent the statement or action. Or feel hurt by it. You would much rather know about it so you […]
See the intent. Even if it didn’t come out right.
Try to see the good intentions in the people around you. They may not be doing it in the best way, or in your preferred way. Or they have missed the mark entirely. But their intentions are right. Or neutral. Very rarely, is someone just out to get or play you. You may not like […]
Allow negative emotions. They have a purpose.
(Negative emotions are those that don’t feel good; they make us uncomfortable: anger, anxiety, frustration, sadness.) Negative emotions have a role. Don’t quash them. Not yours. Not someone else’s. Manage them, tune in to them, and listen to the message. And only then should you release them and move forward. Managing negative emotions is about […]
When the wifi is down, the relationship is up.
Talk to each other. In person. Without distractions. Often.
Yesod (sefira: week 6)
Literal definition: Foundation [Yesod is translated as “foundation,” It is about the importance of having a firm, inner foundation in relationships with others ] In other words: Bonding – Connecting – Communicating- Influencing EXPRESSIONS of Yesod: • Yesod is about emotional intimacy – truly connecting with another in a deep and authentic way. Being attached, […]
You want to know what your spouse thinks. Ask them.
There’s no way you could really know what your spouse really wants if they haven’t expressly told you what they want. You can’t read their mind. Of course, you can try to read into their hints or reactions, but you won’t know for sure. Make it easy for them to tell you. Invite feedback. – […]
Recognize your zone of impact. You can’t do more than that.
We are constantly trying to fix and improve things that are not directly in our control. The more we try, the more exhausted and helpless we feel. Because they are not problems that are meant to be solved by us. You can have the most impact on your own perspective and attitude. Start there.
Look out for the positive. Acknowledge them. Out loud.
Notice the positives in your spouse. Notice abilities, talents, efforts. Name them. State examples of where you have seen them. “You come up with such innovative solutions, like the time when …” “You make me smile when I’m feeling stressed. For example, just now when I …” These fuller statements help the other person feel […]
Get out of your own way.
Sometimes, we sabotage our own happiness and that of our relationships with our own thoughts. Our minds go on and on endlessly with “Why isn’t it better”, “It shouldn’t have happened that way”, “What if …”. Judgments, expectations, worries, resentments, and stories about what should and shouldn’t happen. We don’t allow ourselves to just enjoy […]