Humor is such a powerful (yet underrated) trait. Humor can really help you get through some tough times. Humor relieves tension during crises. It lightens the mood and puts people at ease; when there’s tension in the room, humor helps you and the others to relax, think more clearly, and make better decisions. Humor softens […]
Month: December 2021
Vulnerability makes you human.
A “Superman” or “Wonder Woman” persona can be alienating in relationships. It puts a wall between you and other people – making you seem untouchable and unrelatable. Vulnerability is crucial for intimacy. Vulnerability is not weak, rather it is the greatest form of courage. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as “the willingness to show up and […]
Words to avoid: “Why should I even bother with you?”
These words have the implication that the other is beneath you. Instead, you might say “I’m struggling here to understand how I should show up for you here.” “Help me know what my role can be here.” “What else might I say so you understand my perspective?”
Live by your strengths.
When you live by your strengths and passions, you accomplish more and are happier. How to discover your hidden strengths: Ask yourself these questions. Use lots of details to really paint a picture. Write down your answers. It can be helpful to do this with a caring friend or your spouse. What are you proud […]
Adai Ad’s Weekly 3-2-1 [12/26/2021]
3 Conversations you might have this week What is something you do better than many other people? (OK to brag) Have you ever had a deep conversation with a perfect stranger? What was the topic? What is the most ridiculous fact you know? 2 Quotes to inspire you “I think the next best thing to […]
Not problem-solving, rather solution-finding.
While ultimately the goal is to have a better future, the process of getting there can make a huge difference. In the problem-solving model, we often get stuck by thinking and talking about a situation in a problem-focused way, paying much attention to the (causes in the) unwanted past. This can be demoralizing, and then […]
Water the flowers, not the weeds.
What you give attention to will grow. Give positive reinforcement to what is working, and withhold attention from aspects that don’t work well. Think and talk about the positive in a situation rather than focus on what is wrong. You want the positivity to grow, not the negative aspects.
Words to avoid: “You are overreacting.”
Or similar, “You are too sensitive”. Telling someone how to respond is discrediting their way of being. Instead, give them the space to feel their emotions and provide emotional validation – even if you don’t agree with them. (Is it possible that you are being insensitive or even callous to the situation?)
When hurt people hurt you, empathize.
There are times that some people want to show off to others that they are savvy or smart. In this quest of trying to portray themselves as superior, they might bully, belittle another, or scam another person. Just to get boasting rights. Such people typically have low self-esteem. Feeling small, they seek to make themselves […]
Are you displacing your negative emotions?
Do you (sometimes) redirect a negative emotion that belongs in one situation to someone else? Did your boss/friend/colleague/ stranger say something upsetting and you let out that frustration on your spouse/child? That is displacing, a psychological defense mechanism that many of us develop to deal with difficult emotions. Instead of dealing with the stressful situation […]