Don’t infer or assume.Ask more questions to gain more clarity. Too often, people make assumptions, guesses or inaccurate inferences based on something the other person did or said. People may dismiss or end a shiduch because of an assumption. Or, they may hopefully assume things are as they wish them to be. They may assume […]
Month: November 2020
#009: Skip the small talk.
Skip the small talk; go straight for personal conversation. Share about your views and passions, not necessarily your private information (not just yet). Small talk is light, informal conversation that doesn’t cover any purposeful topics. This might be conversations about the weather, the ambiance around you, current events (no politics). While these topics are non-committal, they […]
#008: Tune into body language and other nonverbals.
Tune into body language and other nonverbals to really get a sense of who the other person is. Non verbals include: body language, facial expressions, hand gestures. They also include the way one speaks – the tone, inflection, speed, choice of words. Lastly, non verbals also includes: where and they choose to have conversation, how […]
#007: Take time between dates to process.
Take time between dates to process what you learned about the other person. And how you feel about the time you spent together. There is so much that you can be learning about each other during the time you are together – from the conversations, from the way they talk to you and to others. […]
#006: Make sure that you are fully understood by the other person.
Make sure that you are fully understood by the other person. As the one sharing your story or any message, you want to make sure that the receiver of the message understood it as you had intended. If the other person doesn’t share how they understood it, you ask. Take the onus of the clarity […]
#005: Share about your struggles – with confidence.
Overcame something difficult? Don’t hide it; share it with confidence. Challenges are part of life. Facing up to challenges and living through them give us the experiences that make up our life. Through your challenges, you find and grow your emotional and mental strengths. Everyone has something – challenges with school or work, friends, money, […]
#004: Silence is not awkward.
Silence is not awkward. It is only awkward if you make it awkward. Silence doesn’t always mean that you have nothing to say to each other. Remember, it’s only silence. It’s your own thoughts and feelings about that silence that might make it awkward. Too often, during that silence, we think ‘what is the other […]
#003: Make sure that you understand the other person.
Make sure that you understand the other person. You can say, “So what I understand is that …” Your role as the receiver of the communication is to make sure you understand what the other person intended to share with you. Summarize what you understood and ask if you understand it accurately. “So what I […]
#002: One of the most important questions to ask.
One of the most important questions to ask on a shiduch date is: “What do you mean by that?” Make sure you are working from the same understanding. So much of how we understand someone else’s words depends on our context – how we see and experience the world. Words can have different meanings to […]
#001: The objective of dating is to make sure that the whole you is accepted.
An important objective of dating is to make sure that the whole you is accepted by the other person. It is not worthwhile to withhold or hide this information. You want to be certain that they know who you are and are OK with all of you. Especially the areas that some people may be […]