Circular argument: “You are never home so I end up going out to dinner and shopping with friends.” –> “I work late to pay for all those things you buy.” –> “I wouldn’t go out so much if you were home.” Round and round… There are several separate issues being touched on in this conversation. […]
Month: December 2019
Potentiality meeting actuality
All nights of Chanukah, some of the lights are lit and some are not yet. This is potentiality. On the last night of Chanukah, all 8 lights are lit. This is actuality. Every night of Chanukah, we added one more light. Moving through the phases of potentiality to actuality. In our physical world, actuality is […]
This Chanukah, increase the light in your relationships.
On Shabbos Chanukah, we light both the Shabbos candles and the Chanukah candles. Traditionally, the Shabbos candles are lit by the woman of the house and the Menorah by the man. Kabbalistically, the woman symbolizes the feminine energy of internal focus, and the man represents the external. By lighting the Shabbos candles, the woman brings […]
What kind of light do you emit?
Chanukah Menorah flames. Light. What do you do that brings light to your family? To those around you? What is one thing you can do to further enhance that? Chanukah Menorah flames. Warmth. What do you do that warms your family? To those around you? What is one thing you can do to further enhance […]
The more light you give to others, the more light is reflected to you.
The shamash lights the other candles without diminishing itself. Rather, it is even more lit up when surrounded by the flames it has been part of lighting. The more light we give to others, the more light is reflected back to us. Kindness has a way of boomeranging and coming back at you. Good moods […]
Gifts: don’t give your children what you didn’t have as a kid; teach them what you didn’t learn.
Some have a family tradition of giving gifts to the kids on Chanukah. While that isn’t what Chanukah is all about per se, it does add a level of playfulness and fun. As you contemplate on what you want to give the children this Chanukah, you might also reflect on what Chanukah is about. The […]
A flame is like hope; they both dispel darkness.
Light is a metaphor for hope. A tiny flame can banish darkness, just as hope can banish despair. While things may seem to be at some level of darkness or difficulty, it takes just a small flame of goodness to bring light to the situation. A kind word. An act of ‘beyond yourself’. A gesture […]
What not to say “Just …”
“Just” is one of those words that is meant to minimize what you’re saying. Depending on the context it can come across as condescending “Just so you know” or invalidating “It will take just a minute of your time” or unconfident “I was just wondering…”. Find better ways to say what you want to get […]
Convert your questions to statements.
People often ask questions when they are really making statements. A question is a request for information or clarification. A statement disguised as a question is about the dynamics between the sender and the receiver. -Are you leaving now? May actually mean: I don’t want you to leave now, but I am shy about saying […]
What not to say “No offense”
Words like “no offense”, “this is coming from love, but…” or “not to be mean but…” are often used to preface a statement that the speaker anticipates will make the listener will feel hurt, angry or upset. The truth is, when the listener hears these words, they get ready to hear something offensive. Of course, […]