People are social beings, wired to seek connection, especially during stressful or emotional moments. Co-regulation is all about leaning on each other to stay calm and balanced when things get tough. Some people may feel like they need to handle everything themselves, but the truth is, we all need help sometimes. Sometimes, we just need […]
Month: December 2024
Words to Use: “I agree that this is worth discussing.”
Or similar: “I agree we should talk about this.” When something triggers you, a calm and affirming response like these can help create space for a constructive conversation. First, you are acknowledging that the topic is worth discussing. You are showing your spouse that you’re listening and open to understanding their perspective, even if it […]
Overcome the urge to defend yourself. Pause and choose peace.
It’s normal to want to defend yourself or “set things straight.” We all feel the need to protect our ideas, our ego, or our version of the story. But often, that instinct can escalate tension and create unnecessary friction. By choosing not to respond, you’re not giving up your voice or agreeing with something you […]
The power of “Are you willing?” in conflict
When faced with conflict or differing perspectives, asking, “Are you willing to [hear another perspective, think differently about this, see this from a different point of view]?” can be incredibly powerful. This question shifts the focus from winning an argument to fostering understanding. It encourages the other person to reflect on their openness to change […]
“When I’m feeling upset, I don’t want you to tell me not to feel that way.”
When I get upset, sad, or experience another tough feeling, what I really need from you is to listen and support me. Most of the time, I don’t need you to fix things for me (I’ll let you know when I do). What I really don’t want is for you to tell me not to […]
“This is probably going to be a hard conversation, let’s speak about it anyway” 🌟
Starting a hard conversation can feel daunting, but it’s often the first step toward growth. Saying, “This is probably going to be a hard conversation, let’s speak about it anyway,” helps set the tone for honesty. It acknowledges the challenge but also opens the door to facing it together. To prepare, it’s important to be […]
In a conflict? It’s not about winning, it’s about understanding.
When there is a conflict or difference of opinion, the goal shouldn’t be to prove the other person wrong. If the focus is on winning the argument, all that happens is that the other person gets defeated. And when someone feels defeated, they’re less likely to engage openly or do their best thinking about the […]
“I’ll just stop talking instead of trying again to help you understand my feelings and needs”
🥺”I’ve reached a point where I’m just too exhausted to keep telling you about my feelings and needs. It feels like every time I express myself, I’m dismissed. So, I’ll just stop talking. 🥺”While you might feel relieved that I’m not complaining or bringing up issues, my silence doesn’t mean I’m okay. It signals that […]