JOT-Better Words

That double negative “don’t disagree” connotates that “I don’t have an argument with what you’re saying, but I don’t really like it either”. The speaker might be trying to sound less directly opposing, but those words usually don’t land well. A better way would be to be more direct and say what it is concerning […]

This is disrespectful of the relationship. Especially when said with a dismissive tone. It’s basically saying that the relationship is not worth working through the issue. That you don’t care enough to work it out. Such words are usually part of longer history of feeling not heard or seen, nevermind understood. If you feel such

Firstly, the word ‘actually’ gives the impression that you are surprised that you like the idea. As if you were expecting that the proposed idea would not be good. Another issue with the phrase “I like …” is that it is more about the speaker and less about the idea giver. They are the one

There are times when you will view a situation from your individual perspectives. Sometimes, it is not important enough to even bring it up. If you feel that you want to talk about, it is better to use the phrase “I see it differently…” rather than “I disagree”. Essentially, they are saying the same thing.

There can be several different contexts to these words, but none are positive. These words connote that speaker believes the other person is not capable of understanding the complexities. Or that the speaker doesn’t want to put in the effort to help the other person to understand. Even worse, the speaker may be dismissing the

The speaker of these words is implying that they are being clear in their words and it is the listener’s fault for not understanding what they have said. It is quite likely that the speaker is not being clear enough. They may not be connecting all the dots. They may be assuming that the other

When your spouse has shared a vulnerability, fear or dream, ask with genuine concern: “What do you need from me?” They may need support, reassurance, or a good cry. They may just want a listening ear. They may want you to try to come up with a solution. Or to work on one together. They

As unique individuals coming from different backgrounds, there will be instances where you and your spouse view things from different perspectives. You may not fully appreciate why something is so important or meaningful to them. It’s best to ask for more information, “Please help me better understand what about this is so important to you.”

Other versions of this are: That’s ridiculous. That’s ignorant. That’s unrealistic.
You may not agree with the other person’s words, ideas or point of view. Nonetheless, you should always respect them.
When you say such words, you are probably trying to get the other person to see your perspective. Now think about how these words land on the other person. Will they be willing to listen? Not likely. And now on top of the difference of ideas, you have added disrespect unnecessarily.
There’s a better way. “I can see your point. I don’t think it is the best course of action because ….” “Your plan can be problematic and here’s why…”