Shared dreams have a chance of actually happening. When you don’t share your dreams, they remain as expectations, which when they do not actualize can lead to frustration, disappointment and resentment. You might be hoping and wanting that your family will only eat healthy foods in your home. Yes, that would be wonderful. It can […]
Share your dreams for your family. Read More »
Don’t be “sorry if” anyone was hurt by your words or actions. Be sorry *that* you were hurtful. Own it. The “if” adds a shadow of doubt— hey, maybe you didn’t say or do anything nasty after all! “If” is cowardly; “that” takes responsibility. Similarly, “it distresses me that you’re upset” is weaselly: You’re implying
How not to apologize: “sorry if …” Read More »
So much to prepare and plan before the birth of the baby – baby furniture, hospital tour, maternity leave, insurance, doctors and and and …. And your marriage.
Frayda Kaplan, certified Gottman educator (Bringing Baby Home) shares some valuable tips and insights for preparing your marriage for this exciting new addition to your family.
Preparing your marriage for a baby Read More »
The fight is not about toilet paper, money or commitment or who does the housework. What you’re really fighting about is feeling a lack of affection, respect, power…or some combination of three. – Reflect on what is really going on for you when you bring up an issue. Is it really the toilet paper, or
The fight is not about the issue. It is about respect, affection or power. Read More »
Reframe the problem with a more positive thought-provoking statement: “How might we…?” This encourages us to think creatively about solution generation. There is a lot of power in the word ‘might’. When we hear words like ‘can’ and ‘should’, there is some level of judging, and defenses go up. Thoughts like ‘can we really do
The “how might we…” power question Read More »
There is so much that is communicated through *non-verbal cues*: through your facial expressions, the tone and pitch of your voice, gestures displayed through your body language and the physical distance between the communicators. The timing and location that you choose for the conversation can also convey so much. Choosing a time that respects the
You communicate so much without saying anything. Read More »
Every emotion has degrees, from diminished to fiercely intense. Different words have different temperatures. Monitor your language and make sure your language isn’t minimizing or exaggerating the intensity of emotions. Match your words to the actual intensity of your emotions. –> Are you feeling blue, stressed, heartbroken, dejected, or depressed? –> Are you feeling satisfied,
Match your words to the intensity of your emotions Read More »
The idea is to get a better understanding of the work they do, particularly the parts that add to their exhaustion and stress. In this way, you can better appreciate and understand how they feel at the end of the day. And what kind of support they would most appreciate. To a spouse who leaves
Discuss your spouse’s day. Read More »
Your spouse wants to feel that you have their back. That you’d stick up for them in front of your parents and family. And their family. Anyone. As a married couple, you should put up a united front to hold each other’s dignity to the utmost. Defend your spouse. Call out the offender – respectfully,
Stick up for your spouse. Read More »
Say it aloud. And mean it. Go beyond the typical “you light up my life”. Share something true and unique to your marriage and spouse. Be specific. Add examples and memories. And in private. No need to splash it on social media.
Share “I’m so happy I married you because…” Read More »
