When mess and chaos happen (and it’s Purim, so something will happen), you can choose your response. You can stress. Or you can laugh first, and then deal with it. Later. After a good laugh.
Mess? Chaos? Laugh first, and then deal. Read More »
When your spouse expresses their upset at something you did or didn’t do, stick to the present topic; don’t bring up the past. Don’t bring the wonderful things you’ve done in the past. They aren’t necessarily relevant to the current situation. A: “Why are you angry?” B: “Because when I ask you to drive me
Don’t bring up the past. Read More »
When your spouse shares negative feedback, a complaint, listen fully. No matter how hard it is to hear it. *Even if your spouse is sharing complaints about something you have or haven’t done, try to remain focused on what they are sharing and not on preparing a response or retort to what they have shared.*
Accept negative feedback with interest and respect Read More »
‘No’ is an acceptable answer. If you ask something of your spouse, “no” has to be an acceptable response. You cannot demand, sulk, be passive-aggressive or try to convince or manipulate.
Accept a “no” answer Read More »
During stressful times, some people become emotional, controlling, and close-minded. This can have a negative impact on everyone around. When stress does come – and it will from time to time – think about the family and relationship dynamic you want, and if your stress-driven actions support that. You wouldn’t threaten or blame in calm
Be the same spouse in stressful times as in calm times. Read More »
Create a list of the things that you don’t want your spouse to do if you ever got into an argument. “What are things you don’t want me to do or say during an argument?” Accept those requests as ‘argument rules’ and promise to abide by those rules. It is not about making your point,
Talk about the way you argue Read More »
Nitpicking: It can be easy to pick apart aspects of your spouse that you dislike or don’t agree with. (Everyone has something.) When you point out what one another has or hasn’t done or how your spouse said or did something wrong, you are belittling, embarrassing, and demeaning them. You’re also saying that you want
Don’t point out every tiny flaw. Read More »
The words “at least (it is not) …” are usually an attempt to quickly move beyond the issue at hand with a superficial silver lining. It belittles something the other person feels is important, disregards their feelings, and ultimately, it lacks empathy. Anything that follows these two words will only serve to deepen the conflict
What not to say: “at least…” Read More »
When your spouse makes a mistake, it can be hard on both of you. What you say in that moment will have a lasting impact on your relationship. When you say, “I love you anyway,” what you are really saying is, “regardless of the mistake, I will still love you.” Even as adults, we need
Keep it positive, even when the answer is ‘no’. One way to do this is to reframe a question. So, rather than saying, “No, you we cant get that”, you might say, “Let’s put that on our list of what we hope to get soon enough.”
Look for ways to say ‘yes’ even you are thinking ‘no’. Read More »
