If we have a problem with our spouse’s behavior, it’s our problem. Even if what they are doing (or not doing) leads to unfavorable outcomes, it is still our problem. It is when we recognize that the problems we have with others are, in fact, our problems, that we stop trying to change them and […]
Don’t like your spouse’s behavior? It’s your problem. Read More »
There are those decisions we made, the choices we took, and things we did or didn’t do that got us to where we are today. Sometimes, there are some regrets. Regret is different from disappointment. With disappointment, there is no agency, you feel that you can’t do anything. On the other hand, regret can propel
Regret makes us feel worse, but it makes us do better. Read More »
We live the lives we’re willing to tolerate. (NOTE: this is not at all saying that we are responsible for everything that happens to us, such as abuse.) If we are willing to tolerate negative or unsatisfying circumstances, we may find ourselves living a life that is less fulfilling or enjoyable. So many of us
We live the lives we are willing to tolerate. Read More »
Don’t take life so seriously all the time. Make time to laugh together. To do something goofy. Spontaneous. Irresponsible. Make some space in the busyness of your life for playing. If you are the spontaneous type, then just let serendipity reign. Or, you can create a list of things you’d like to try, just beyond
Add some playfulness into your marriage. Read More »
Instead of making an assumption or jumping to conclusions about something your spouse said or did, be curious. You’ll get a more accurate understanding of what is going on. And it will deepen your relationship.Curiosity leads to a deeper understanding of one another. Curiosity helps both of you grow. By asking and answering questions, you
Curiosity deepens your intimacy. Read More »
It’s inevitable. There will be some areas where the two of you will never agree. These are likely based on either fundamental differences in your personalities, or fundamental differences in your lifestyle needs. It’s how you see the world. These are problems that you will return to again and again. They will never be solved.
Every marriage has its perpetual problems. Read More »
Sometimes we get upset at the small stuff (like dishes in the sink). Really it’s about issues that are emotionally much deeper, like not feeling needed, appreciated, noticed, important, or securely attached. Everyone wants to feel loved, safe, and secure. We may not know how to express it, or even realize it is happening, so
It’s not the small stuff, it’s really bigger. Read More »
When we are going through a challenge or a transition, we need the support of others. Different people prefer different types of support. Know your style and seek it out. You may want different types of support from different people. And, this may change over time and depend on the situation. Similarly, when someone you
What kind of support do you want? Read More »
