Getting defensive at the slightest hint of criticism is a common reaction for those who have a deep-seated fear of being seen as imperfect. For many, taking accountability and admitting fault or weakness feels like a blow to their self-esteem. They worry that acknowledging mistakes might lead others to respect them less or see them […]
Defensiveness doesn’t protect the ego; it erodes the relationship. Read More »
There are two ways we may respond in a conversation: to the words or to our feelings. Reacting to feelings, especially if they’re uncomfortable, often leads to defensiveness, denial, anger, or shutting down. Reacting to words addresses the actual issue more constructively. For example: Your partner says, “I feel like you haven’t been spending much
In conversations, are you responding to the words or your feelings? Read More »
Avoiding difficult conversations might feel easier in the moment, but it’s a short-term solution that leads to long-term problems. When we sidestep these important discussions, the underlying issues don’t just disappear—they persist and often grow worse. Unresolved topics continue to fester, fostering emotions like disappointment, frustration, and resentment. It’s crucial to face these conversations head-on
[Navigating Difficult Conversations 3/3] 📌Approaching challenging conversations with your spouse requires thoughtful preparation to ensure clarity and composure throughout the discussion. By taking proactive steps to outline key points, manage emotions and expectations, and set a constructive tone, you can navigate difficult topics with potentially greater ease and effectiveness. First and foremost, begin by outlining
Preparing for difficult conversations with your spouse Read More »
[Navigating Difficult Conversations 2/3] Before engaging in any challenging conversation with your partner, take a few moments for a pre-conversation “meta-conversation.” This proactive discussion about your upcoming conversation can set the stage for effective communication and ensure a productive exchange of thoughts and feelings. Here’s what to include: • Agree on Ground Rules: Establish clear
The Power of a Meta-Conversation before the Difficult Conversation Read More »
[Navigating Difficult Conversations 1/3] 📌Timing and setting are crucial elements in any successful conversation, especially when discussing important matters with your spouse. The right timing and setting can significantly impact the outcome of the discussion and the overall health of your relationship. Consider the context before initiating a conversation. Avoid bringing up serious topics during
Setting the scene for a productive conversation Read More »
[The Power of Listening 3/3] Good listening is all about curiosity, an open mind, and a willingness to see things differently or change our actions based on the conversation. When we shut ourselves off from being open and curious, we miss out on truly understanding others— their perspectives, ideas, and requests. Too often, we’re only
Why true listening matters in conversations Read More »
[The Power of Listening 2/3] Some people don’t listen to their spouse because they think the details of their partner’s life aren’t all that relevant or interesting. They’d rather stick to the big picture or black-and-white thinking and don’t know how to handle the nuances and feelings—neither their own nor their partner’s. When someone doesn’t
Listening can bring real connection Read More »
[The Power of Listening 1/3] 📌 Listening goes beyond just hearing and understanding words; it demands engagement, empathy, and, perhaps most intimidatingly, the prospect of needing to make a change. So, some people choose to just not listen. They may resort to various coping strategies to dodge the discomfort of really listening. They might interrupt,
Why some people struggle to truly listen Read More »
When someone helps you, expressing gratitude is not only polite but crucial for strengthening the connection and fostering mutual understanding. And it increases the likelihood that they will help you again. Let’s break down how to thank them using the principles of Nonviolent Communication (NVC): (These are the elements to include, but you can change
Asking for help: Show your appreciation Read More »
