JOT-Better Words

This is a passive-aggressive way to communicate your needs. Your spouse shouldn’t feel pressured to do something to prove their love. Instead, make a request in a non-confrontational and direct way – in a way that connects you, rather in a way that creates a divide. You might say, “I miss spending time with you, […]

When your spouse is talking about a problem, ask what they want from the conversation – to vent or a solution? Don’t share possible solutions when all they want is a listening ear. If you are the one who is sharing, say what you want from the conversation. “I just need to vent.” “I’m feeling

You might use these words when there is something you want to improve for yourself and for the relationship or family.  “I’ve been thinking about our finances.” “I’ve been thinking about how we are parenting our child.”  And then “Do you want to work on this with me?” Making it a question gives the other

These words are usually said when there is a conflict and the speaker thinks that they are right and the other is wrong. The thing is: just because the other person has a different perspective, it doesn’t mean that it is wrong. It’s just different, not necessarily wrong. Instead, look to resolve the conflict. Additionally,

When people hear this phrase, it comes across as if the original speaker is deflecting responsibility for the misunderstanding (and its subsequent consequences) onto the receiver. Often in conversation, our words don’t come out quite as hoped, or the other person doesn’t understand our message as it was intended. The onus is on the speaker

Say this with a compliment about your spouse. You can add how your life was enriched because of them. End with “And that’s why I am so happy to be married to you.” – “I love that when you come home after work, you first look for me even before going to the kids. I

“I’m not angry,” (said when clearly and visibly showing signs of anger.) Sometimes this is then followed with stonewalling. Often people say this as a form of denial, or they want to avoid conflict and not talk about what went wrong. If you are angry about something, admit it and address it in a respectful

Stress experienced by one of the couple has an effect on the other person as well as on the relationship. When your spouse faces a challenge or overwhelm, assure them that you are there at their side and they don’t have to face it alone. Reassure them that when and if they need anything, all

Often, we make inferences and conclusions about someone else’s behavior. Sometimes those are accurate. Many times, they are not. It is also disrespectful to assume you know someone’s intentions or thoughts. Ask the other person what their intentions or thoughts behind an action they took that was displeasing to you. “What was the backstory?” “What