JOT-Better Words

The other person may be doing something that you wouldn’t do or think. And you may be frustrated, angry, disappointed. Expressing your emotions with such harsh words won’t get you anywhere. No one responds well to the implication that something is wrong with them. Rather, be curious. “Help me better understand how you came to […]

These words are a great opening to important topics that may be somewhat uncomfortable to talk about. By starting the discussion this way, you are stating your intention that you are sharing this possibly difficult information for the sake of the relationship. That you want to stay close and even deepen the relationship and therefore

Or similarly, “It’s none of your business.” These generally come off as if the speaker is saying that not only does the topic not concern you, but you have no business asking about it either. These words may come up when one person asks about a situation that is private. In that case, a better

This is usually said with frustration and blame after something did not go as hoped. Instead, put your energy into working with the current reality. Later, you can examine what happened so you can learn for the future. “Let’s unpack what happened here, so we can use this as a learning experience.”

This is usually said after a discussion with difference of perspectives, and it implies that you think the other is an idiot for having the perspective that they do. Instead, respect that they are a separate individual with experiences and influences, and thus have different perspectives.

The implication is ”There’s something wrong with you and I can’t believe that you do things like you do.” First, be curious to understand their rationale. As applicable, you might share your perspective and why you think that it isn’t a good idea. “I have seen people do that and get hurt. I am concerned

These words imply that there is a specific way that you expected them to respond and how they did respond isn’t it. People respond in their own ways. They are the ones who make meaning to whatever you said or did. Even if your intentions were good, their reaction is up to them. Be curious,

Or similar “How did you think I would feel?” This is usually said after someone did something that hurt you – intentionally or unintentionally. The implication is that they are so insensitive and oblivious to how whatever was done or said would impact you. Instead, say how you feel. “I feel sad and alone because

When something resonates with you, you’re saying that it is in line with your own experience and outlook. When you share an idea, opinion or suggestion, you might start or end with “How does this resonate with you?” This shows the other person that you are putting out the idea and that you are interested