An effective structure of a complaint: the Complaint Sandwich. The hope when expressing a complaint is that the other person will listen and make some change. How the complaint is crafted (and delivered) is important. Guy Winch, in his book Squeaky Wheel, recommends a formula called “the complaint sandwich”. The first “slice of bread” in […]
Getting your spouse to finally hear your complaints – part 5 Read More »
Complaints have 2 elements – the feelings and the task. When we complain, there are the feelings (upset, lonely, invisible, disrespected, underappreciated) and the desire for something to be different (share responsibilities, more time together). Often, we can respectfully share both with our spouse in one conversation. But sometimes, after thinking about it, we recognize
Getting your spouse to finally hear your complaints – part 4 Read More »
Preparing for an effective complaint. Something is bothering you and you want an adjustment. It is worthwhile to think through how you will present it so that you will more likely be heard and there will be some change. Determine that this is worth bringing up. Is this something that has a possibility of being
Getting your spouse to finally hear your complaints – part 3 Read More »
Tune into what is under the complaint. There’s a value of yours that is not being addressed. People complain because something that matters to us isn’t going as we expected. Instead of owning that unmet expectation and sharing how much it matters to us, we complain. Complaints indicate what people care about most – about
Getting your spouse to finally hear your complaints – part 2 Read More »
Complaining is feedback, it is not criticizing. There is a place for complaints in a marriage. There will be issues or differences in every marriage, and there will always be a need for adjustments to be made – all through the life of a marriage. If these are unaddressed, they just pile up until the
Getting your spouse to finally hear your complaints – part 1 Read More »
Why we sometimes get annoyed by people’s goodness. Sometimes, someone does a kindness for us (or for others) and we get negatively charged. Our spouse or friend brings us a small gift or does something nice for us, and we respond with “It’s so nice, but you shouldn’t have spent the money”. Or someone calls
Our relationships are a mirror of ourselves. Part 5 Read More »
Our relationships and interactions with all people, even strangers, tell us so much about ourselves. It is worthwhile to tune into the emotions that come up in those relationships. Our spouse might ask for something, like an omelet with lots of veggies or a massage or to go someplace for a daytrip. Nothing too big.
Our relationships are a mirror of ourselves. Part 4 Read More »
Our relationships reflect to us what we can change in ourselves – and that can enhance our relationships. So often, there is something that our spouse does (or doesn’t do) that grates on us, that raises a negative emotion. The other person is just a mirror of ourselves – our strengths, limitations, beliefs, traits, etc.
Our relationships are a mirror of ourselves. Part 3 Read More »
What we feel from others may reflect how we treat ourselves or what we believe about ourselves. To a large degree, we teach others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. If we feel that our spouse ignores our needs, it might be that we are neglecting our own needs.If we feel that
Our relationships are a mirror of ourselves. Part 2 Read More »
We view the world through the lens of ourselves. Fact. What follows then is that what we see in other people and experiences tells us something about ourselves – our experiences, our values, our beliefs. When we observe in others a trait that we admire – like, integrity, healthy living choices, sense of humor –
Our relationships are a mirror of ourselves. Part 1 Read More »
