Do you point out other people’s faults? Not necessarily directly to that person, but maybe just to the people around you. “Look at that guy…” “She looks so …” “Why does she do that?” So often that comes from our own smallness, and we are seeking to feel superior. It is an attempt to raise […]
We judge others harshly because we judge ourselves harshly. Read More »
If we have expectations* of people, one of two things can happen and neither is good. 1. We have an expectation of someone and they don’t live up to it. Then, we feel disappointed or frustrated or angry. This leads to nagging, bickering or resentment. 2. We have an expectation of someone and they do
There’s nothing good about expectations. Read More »
An assumption is something that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof. We assume somebody will do something. We assume that the activity will be accomplished. But there’s no proof that it will happen. An expectation is a hope or belief that something will happen. We hope or believe that something
Instead of having assumptions and expectations, make agreements. Read More »
“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” – William Arthur Ward Sometimes, we really are grateful for what someone has done for us – but still we don’t express it to them.Not necessarily because we didn’t want to. Maybe we couldn’t find the best way or words,
“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” Read More »
Know each other’s strengths and gifts, and then highlight and appreciate those. Work together to develop those strengths. People calibrate their behavior based on what is valued and recognized, and what isn’t. Our beliefs about our spouse really affect how they view themselves in life in general and in the marriage. When you are cognizant
Focus on your spouse’s strengths to strengthen your marriage. Read More »
Of course, you and your spouse should have a deep friendship with each other. Additionally, you each should have friends besides each other – in a healthy balance. After spending some time with friends, we can come back to the relationship feeling fulfilled and energized. Make time for your friends. Allow time for your spouse’s
It’s important to have friends when you’re married. Read More »
It’s not that having expectations is inherently wrong, it’s more about what you do when those expectations don’t pan out. You expected your [friend/ spouse/ whoever] to remember your birthday (and celebrate it in some special way). But they didn’t. Now what? It was a reasonable expectation, but it didn’t happen quite that way. You
“Expectations = Resentment” It doesn’t have to be that way. Read More »
Talk about your spouse’s wonderful character or good work to others. Tell them how much you appreciate your spouse. Firstly, your spouse will look good in front of those other people. And, it keeps you in a positive frame of mind about your spouse and your relationship. This strengthens your experience of your relationship. Your
Say nice things about your spouse behind their back. Read More »
When you say words of affirmation in your relationship, you are strengthening communication and intimacy between you and your partner. You are showing them that you notice and appreciate them. When your partner feels appreciated, they are likely to experience a deeper satisfaction with themselves and with the relationship. Everyone appreciates words of affirmation – even if
Words of affirmation deepen your relationship. Read More »
A double standard is a rule or principle that is unfairly applied in different ways to different people. In a marriage, double standards may show up as one expecting their needs to be met without meeting the needs of the spouse. Sometimes this is done without even realizing it (albeit, sometimes it is intentional). Do you expect
Are there double standards in your marriage? Read More »
